It’s been a second since I’ve written a blog post (over a month, whoops). I haven’t really known what to write about in that time, but this topic has been on my mind for a bit lately, and what better way to get my feelings out than write about them?

I’ve been struggling a bit with what I want this blog to be. And I’ve finally settled on an answer: Whatever the heck I want it to be. If that’s a place for me to share fashion finds or outfit ideas or my political views or my favorite products, then that’s what I want to do. If I want it to be an online diary (which is what today’s post is), then I’m gonna use it as such.

So today I want to talk about how hard it is for me (and I’m sure plenty of others) to make friends.

Honestly, it’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life, and it’s part of why I spend so much time online. Going back to all the way to elementary school, even, it’s been pretty hard for me. Growing up, I never really had birthday parties with people who weren’t family members or had friends over at my house. I have vivid memories of how every time I went through a big transition in school — from elementary to middle school, middle to high school, and high school to college — at the end of each school year, for different reasons I’d start that summer without a friend group.

Honestly, I could blame this on petty school drama, but when it’s something that’s happened to me repeatedly, it’s hard for me not to wonder if I’m part of the problem. I know full well that I have a strong personality. I am loud and opinionated, and I can’t even count how many times I’ve been called “annoying.”

Things got a bit better for me in college when I joined a sorority and had most of my friends in close proximity. But even then, I never really felt like I had it together friendship-wise. I never got a sign night for my 21st birthday (which embarrassingly, I do still think about and still hurts me).

Now though? My closest friends from school are all spread out, and I’m in a different city than a lot of people I know. And as summer approaches, I see a lot of people going out or planning trips with a group of friends. I don’t have that, at least not here. But I really want to.

I want a group chat of girlies that I can go to when I want advice. I want to plan those fun theme parties that I see on TikTok where everyone dresses up like a Taylor Swift era or a character from a Shonda Rhimes show (or any other theme). I want to go out with the girls on Saturday nights. I want to have people to invite to a party when it’s my birthday later this summer.

My only problem is: I don’t know how the heck to find a group of friends that has that sense of camaraderie and closeness, because I’ve never really done it before.

I’m in this weird position where there are people I know that I want to be friends with, but I don’t really know how to get myself in that position. There are bloggers in the area I’ve met from Instagram or people I kind of know from school that I think I’d be great friends with! I just don’t know how to reach out and say “Hi, I think you’re cool and want to hang out!” because I’ve never been a person who does that before. If I have the urge to do that, I convince myself that I’m being annoying and weird and intrusive. Even if I have done that (which I did make plans with a few people last summer), I feel like I’m being annoying if I pester them to hang out again. After all, they would ask me if they wanted to hang out again, right?

Anyway, all of this is kind of just to say-slash-ask a few things:

• If you want to be friends and hang out, just ask me because in all likelihood, I’ll probably say yes. I need more friends to hang out with and I want a girl group specifically!
• If we’re already friends and I haven’t talked to you in a while, it’s because I’ve convinced myself that I’m annoying and need a reason to talk to you or else I’ll bug you.
• How do you make friends as an adult without things like classes or sororities? How do you get other people to hang out with you and plan things? How do you plan things and not feel like you’re annoying people when you ask them?
• Do you have advice for making friends, especially as an adult? Please share with me. I’d be so so so grateful ❤️

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